so i was watching movies yesterday because i finally felt well enough to sit up and i wasn't dizzy so i could actually focus on the TV. well, netflix has been disappointing me with its selection of horror movies, specifically asian horror movies. so i just picked one called "12/12/12." of course, i knew it was gonna be the end of the world sort of shit cause of the whole mayan calendar thing. i also saw a movie a long while back called "it's alive" which was... okay. it wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. but man... this movie... this... fucking movie...
I WANT MY HOUR AND 25 MINUTES BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
this was THE worst movie i've seen since "dolls," and i bring that up because... THE FREAKIN DEMON BABY WAS A DOLL!! like, it wasn't supposed to be a doll story line wise, but the prop was a fuckin doll. i probably could've made this movie for about 20 bucks worth of props at least. was this movie even released in theatres?? seriously, even when the mom was giving birth to the child, the hand looked plastic. the blood looked like old chunky red orange water color you find in a children's paint pallette, the actors being attacked by the baby were pretty much thrashing around while holding this doll to their neck, which the doll wasn't even movie (go figure). the entrails looked like crap... oh and the ACTING!! the acting was aweful! perhaps the best acting came from the lead role, the mother, but everyone else! oh my god! and the overuse of "fuck" was too much, hence the term overuse. the doctor delivering the baby was like "oh this is fuckin gross" or whatever. listen, i have a potty mouth, but there's a time and place where you DON'T, and one of the most important places is at work. in a hospital!! and the story was so scrambled, and there was like an insest scene where the baby is like attacking the mother's vagina, and a rape scene between the mom and her DEAD HUSBAND, which makes it seem like it was a dream, and she wasn't even desturbed by the dream. i wasn't even disturbed by it, and i can't STAND rape! i didn't even get grossed out when a guy slit his own throat! yes, some of the deaths were gruesome in theory, but they did NOT deliver them right. a woman jumped off a cliff and landed LIKE A MANAQUIN in a very FLUFFY bit of grass with the softest of thuds, AAAAAAAAND a woman put one single fork in a microwave for 12 seconds, and the WHOLE HOUSE BLEW UP.
and the baby... the goddamn baby... once it started to show its face and everything, it was LITERALLY a puppet i could've made myself. it didn't even have a movable mouth. and after all the horrors, the mom STILL couldn't kill her own child. the cult was a joke... everything was just a joke.
i'd rather watch "attack of the killer tomatoes" than watch this movie again. i am NEVER this passionate about how much a movie SUCKED. come on! it was made in 2012! at LEAST make the baby move!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i could've watched something worth it!!!
so i'm feeling a LITTLE better. now it feels like a cold. but still gotta kill this thing. sooooooooo yea. never watch this movie if it sparks your curiosity. it's rated R, but honestly, i bet a 10 year old would laugh at it. *shakes head*