Autobiography of Slender Man

Hiya there! You should all know me by now. If you don't, I should like totally slap you. My name is Slender Man! That's right-o, Slendy in the hizzow! I can't actually talk, so I'm writing this on a bunch of notes. You won't hafta look hard cause... they're gonna be all taped to your house. So what do I do for a livivng? Scaring the shiznit outta y'all! HAYO!! But, I do have a personal life other than the pranks. I have friends, whom you know as well. I have to keep a notepad and pencil on hand to communicate, but s'all gewd in da hood, yo.

My bestest bro in the whole wide 3rd dimension is my home boy, Jeff. That's right! Da KILLAH! Jeffy's fun to hang around cause he's always so happy! He has to carry eyedrops in his pocket though cause, since he has no eyelids, his eyeballz keep drying up. He said it was worth the sacrifice though.

One of Jeff's biggest gear grinders is the supposed "Jane the Killer." He's all like, "I dunno what da fuck peeps be talkin about, I don't know dat bitch." I says that she's not really a Creepypasta member, she was taken from some short story on Deviant Art who didn't even intend for her to be what she is known to be. He's says dat's fucked up, and dood, I agree. I'd be hella mad if someone took me and made me something I'm not!

But my other G says they already have! I'm all like, "watchootalkinbout," and BEN's all like, "bro! Those chicks make you a sexy BEAST!" I'm all like "SAY WAAAAAAT?" And he be all like, "Yea man, you're all shirtless with like chizzled abs and yer all posin' for the camera and stuff..." And Jeff's all like, "shirtless?" And BEN's all like, "NEKKID." AND I'M LIKE "WAAAAAAAAAT?!?!? Man, this suit don't come off, I was born in it! Man, I don't have a dick! I don't even have a petuitary gland!" BEN's like, "Wat's dat?" and I say, "Google it, BENsky."

I dunno what's all up in these bitches' baby shooter, but I am not all into the horizontal tango. My bod is my bod, and I ain't all like dem fantasies. Like I said, I was born with this suit. When Slender Mom wanted a baby, she just snatched some human baby and turned it into a Slender baby with her magical Slendy powers! Yeeeeeeah boi, we got Slendy powers! And twas the beginning of moi! Ze Slender Man! Dat's how we born, ya know. Transform tikes inta YIKES! You know you're jelly.

Letsee, who be another home skillet... oh yea! Dat Sonic.exe dood, he so kewl! He's all like, "bwah! I bleed hyperrealistic blood from my hyperrealistic red eyes! Ooooooh, spookeh!" I high five him and be all like, "nice bro! You use cliches like a PRO!" And Sonic's all like, "yea, I pretty much invented the gaming pasta cliches." He's so cocky, he knock down walls with his ding dong! I'm all like, "man, you crazy!" And he all like, "damn straight!"

Well, I basically know all da Creepypasta crew and am totally like the most popular one out of them all. Suicide Squidward's all like "NUH UH!" And I'm all like "UH HUH!!" And den Smile Dog's all like "woof!" cuz he be a dog. Man, is he a husky or not? WTF kinda dog is he? Sonic be all like, "Yo Squid, you just jelly that I have better hyperrealistic eyes than you." And then Squidward takes a gun and totally shoots himself, and we start kicking him until he turns into a photo of some mangles child, and den all a sudden he's all gewd again and BEN's all like, "man, don't that hurt?" And Squidward's all like, "hell yea!" But he be all proud of it and shit.

Man, I met this freaky dood da otha day, and I was all like, "WTF is dis thing?" And it be all starin at me with its weird watermelon lookin eyes. I'm all like, "wat your problem bro?" And he just sit there. Then I turn away and he suddenly be all up in my grill! I look back at him, and he's all lookin like some demented fetus ready to give me a hug. Well, I know I'm awesome and all, but I don't wanna hug this little statue thing! So me, BEN, Sonic, and Jeff are playin around this thing seeing who can run away from it and Squidward's all keepin score and shootin himself.

Then this doll shows up and Sonic's all like, "YO ITZ TAILS!" And the doll just goes "._." I'm like, "you know this thing?" Sonic's all like, "yea man! My best friend's doll! Man, dis doll is PROSKY! He's aaaaaalll about da cliches!" And the doll's all like "._." And I'm like, "boi, watchootalkinbout? He doesn't do sheeeeiiit!" And Sonic's all like "Slendy Bro, he's all cursed and shit, he come outta your TV and is all like 'WAPPA!'" And then the Tails doll is all like "._." Then I'm like, "whatevs."

So yea, I'm runnin outta paper, gotta end this quick! Oh, don't go to sleep tonight cause we're gonna have a CREEPYPASTA PAAAAAAAARTAAAAAAAAY!!! I hafta warn you, you might die. But it'll be fun! You can be all like "HYPEREALISM!" And we be all like "HELL YEA!!" So bring some nachos, yo. And Jeff likes Mountain Dew. This is gonna be TIGHT!!