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I want to be perfect. I just want to be perfect. But so much is getting in my way... I hate my ugly body. This horrible skin with all of its imperfections. It's driving me mad.

I look in the mirror and see a blemish on my cheek. It's not quite ready to go yet, but I feel it! I feel it! It's there, and I don't want it to be. I want it gone.

I push at it, trying to get the defect out, but it won't surface. All I managed to accomplish was two deep nail marks in my face. I get frustrated and I scratch at it, trying to get the skin off to open the pore. It bleeds a little bit. I try squeezing again, but nothing. The nail marks break the skin slightly.

I grab a sewing needle. They say not to do this, but I'm desperate. I try to gently tear open the blemish. I really don't want to scar my face, so I have to be careful. But even after that, it won't come out! I scratch vigorously at it until there's a large, bleeding scrape on my cheek. I don't pay much attention to that, for I see the pocket from the bacteria's infection. I try to get it out, but it won't budge! WHY WON'T IT JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE?!

I take my tweezers and try to pull it out, digging even further into the skin. I can't grab it. Eventually the wound is bleeding so much, I give up for now. I press a tissue to stop the bleeding and leave the bathroom.

The next morning, I return to the mirror. There's a big, dark scab where the blemish was, still hiding the infection. I start obsessively searching my face for other imperfections. I found a couple small ones that people probably wouldn't have noticed, but I noticed them. I attack them like I did the one from yesterday. More scrapes, more torn skin, more blood. But there's still the scab from yesterday...

I tear it open to try to clear the infection again. I dig with my nails, then with my tweezers, and then I take the needle and stick it in the pore to try and dig out the pocket. It's bleeding so much, so I try to dab at it with a tissue so I could see what I was doing. The pain never bothers me; I'm too concerned with the battle against my skin.

Giving up again, I have little bits of tissue stuck to each wound to stop the bleeding. I watch television. I idly scratch my arm and feel a bump. Another imperfection. I don't even know what it is. Probably not a blemish. I scratch at it anyway, and it bleeds. I start obsessively searching my body.

I scratch at my back at more blemishes and previous scabs. I inspect my legs and arms, and even my abdomen. I find a spot behind my knee and scratch it off, only to find out it was just a birthmark. I began tearing at more freckles, reopening old scabs, even ones that were nearly healed. I stop after a long while...

To the mirror again the very next day. Reopen the wounds, tear at spots I missed, even on my scalp where not even I could see until I searched thoroughly for them. There's a milia on my eyelid. Those usually have to be removed by a dermatologist. However, I take my needle and dig it off, severely damaging my eyelid.

My neck, shoulder, chest, arms, legs, pelvis, back... covered in scabs... just more imperfections to get rid of... I constantly rip them open to get rid of them... I'm covered in scars and scabs. I try to heal scars with bio oil, but they just don't heal fast enough.

I find myself tearing at my face at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, but doing this keeps me awake. I pick, scrape, dig, peel...

The next day my friend came over. She was horrified at what she saw. I had torn my face off. I kept digging at my arms, back, and anywhere else, taking huge chunks of flesh off my body. More... imperfections... they had to go! THEY HAD TO GO!

My friend tied my hands behind my back and drove me to a hospital as I bled. I struggled, trying to free myself so I could dig at my wounds, but it was no use.

Urgent Care did what they could with the gashes, which they still had to keep me from scratching. After, however, they suggested sending me to an institution. I was put in a straight jacket for the soul purpose of keeping my hands secure.

I'm so ashamed... I'm so horribly scarred... I just wanted to be pretty... just like everyone else...
this is an exaggerated story of what i do to my skin. obviously, i don't tear my face off or chunks of flesh, but i'm had so many wounds on my face, i kept picking at them to get rid of them. i know it doesn't work that way, but those of you with dermatillomania will know what it's like. when i was fifteen, i finally managed to get the milia off my eyelid. i had it since i was a little kid, but i took a needly and got it. fortunately, unlike the character in this story, i was completely unharmed. however, if you were to see my back... well, let's just say you don't want to see my back.

*sigh* i also have trichotillomania. but... let's not get into that.
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:iconsherlockwhogirl:
SherlockWhogirl Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013
I have the same issue; although it's not so much my back as my face; I'll see enlarged pores on my face and nose and its like I absolutely HAVE to pick at them, like I can't do anything else until every last pore on my face is clean and free of gunk. This has been going on for years and I've been scared I'll never be able to stop.

Thank you for writing about this though; it definitely helps to know that I am not the only one out there with this issue; and I hope you find a method that'll help you stop picking. 
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:iconakasukiwolf:
AkasukiWolf Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013   Artist
I remember you talking about this before, but I cant remember where, but whenever I heard you talking about it, and said the name of what is was, I was shocked(cause I do the same to most of my body...for a while now, and I haven't heard of anyone else doing the same, nor the name for it) and confused, so I looked up the name and such. I have to say, I've been scared and ashamed ever since I can remember when I started and some certain people said things that didn't help with that. I've tried to stop several times before, but the methods never stuck or worked. I tried sitting on my hands once I caught myself doing it, getting up n walking around, drawing, clipping my nails, but nothing worked. And I still don't know what to do, and scared for the future nd relationships!! 


...I just want to say, thank you, for writing this, and everything you've done and more.
I'm happy I can relate to some things and not feel alone/too different as much... You are amazing, fantastic, and I love you <3 (and not in a creepy or bad way =_=; ) (Also, ..ehh, sorry for long comment ^^; )
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
it is very common to be scared, and very hard to stop. don't worry about relationships. if that person cares, they will tell you to stop when they see you doing it. that's what all my friends do. especially with my hair
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:iconnaturereigns:
NatureReigns Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Trichotillomania is where you pull your hair out right? I've been better about it lately but I still do that... my fingers just get so bored.

Anyway, this story was really creepy and I probably shouldn't have read it the minute I woke up but IDC. I liked it.
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yea, i pull my hair when i'm nervous or anxious
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:iconasapientmachine:
Asapientmachine Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
It takes about 7 days for the epidermis to shed revealing the new layer of skin beneath it. To be honest, I'm annoyed at my skin in many areas. I just need to continue my hygiene, not pick at my skin and just wait it out.  
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
acne has nearly nothing to do with hygeine, though it can contribute. but it's not just blemishes, as is explained in this creepypasta
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:iconasapientmachine:
Asapientmachine Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
There are other contributing factors that I'm aware of. My first boss had a major acne problem and it was due to his regular diet of Taco Bell. But, sometimes there is not much you can do outside of getting an expert opinion from a dermatologist as to what may be causing such break outs rather than to wait and allow the skin to heal and the scars to dissipate.  
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that's the issue, waiting for it to heal
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:iconasapientmachine:
Asapientmachine Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013
I'm going through that very same thing too and it's frustrating. But, there's not much I can do but wait it out. 
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
well it's hard cause i keep picking them open again
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:iconasapientmachine:
Asapientmachine Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013
Then tell yourself not to. 
Here's what I say to myself 'don't scratch you idiot'. 
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that doesn't work though! that's the problem is that you can't just tell yourself to stop with something like this, you don't even know you're doing it until someone stops you, or once you catch yourself. it's obsessive compulsive behavior and you'd seriously have to be REALLY strong to be able to stop a disorder with your MIND
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(1 Reply)
:icontiferethsorrow824:
TiferethSorrow824 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
Hi! Total stranger here!

But, I also have Trichotillomania. I've had it since I was 7. (29 now.) No eyelashes, and a thin/ bald spot on top of my head that I comb over to cover up. Best thing I can tell you is not to be ashamed--that only makes it worse, I've found. It's not like you woke up one day and said, "Gee, I think I'm going to pick at my skin and rip my hair out! Fun!"   Besides, we have a legit mental disorder; an illness. No one chooses to be ill in any sense of the word. It's stress, or it's a misfortune of genetics, or something along those lines. (Probably telling you a bunch of stuff you already know...) The only "choice" we ever make is whether or not to try to fight it, and even then success is only sporadic.

Anyhow. You're definitely not alone. Especially with the TTM. Most of us are just *really* good at hiding it one way or another. 

I definitely feel your pain about losing sleep to the picking/ plucking urges. That's the worst. :(
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i remember exactly what made me start. i started doing it when i got anxious. luckily i've been able to control myself just enough to not have a bald spot. even if i did though, i wear a wig often, so that'd be no problem
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:iconinvaderana1:
InvaderAna1 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I constantly pick at my face. Constantly. It's a habit now, and I know It needs to stop, but I just can't help it. I have scars from it too.
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yup, that's DTM
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:iconinvaderana1:
InvaderAna1 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yup
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:icondidi-dias:
DiDi-dias Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
My sis has both tricho and derm and I wish there was something I could do to help her stop but I can't :(
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yea it sucks. and it's really hard to stop
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:icondidi-dias:
DiDi-dias Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
You guys are pretty even with acne
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:iconblueyay:
Blueyay Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
That sounds horrible to have.
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
it is, especially if you're like me and are obsessed with making your face as pretty as possible
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:iconinvadermia02:
InvaderMIA02 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know da feel. ugh..
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:iconi-lov-zadr-and-anime:
I-Lov-ZaDr-and-Anime Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I think I have this too...I have Trichotillomania. NO LASHES. Ugh...:(
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yea, why do you think i draw on my eyebrows? XD and i have missing eyelashes, big ol' gaps of 'em, and my main thing is the hair from my head. i have to wear a hat
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:iconi-lov-zadr-and-anime:
I-Lov-ZaDr-and-Anime Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Yesterday, I randomly started to pull from my head by my ears and I started to get worried, It was just probably because I was sick. It was scary because I told myself I never would do it... But I'm getting better with my eyelashes. And my eyebrows are...so-so.
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yea i pull mostly at the mastoid process and parietal ridge. i also have this habit of pulling the shorter hairs on top of my head. not only that, but sometimes, and this includes on my eyelashes, it feels like there's a single folicle that hurts, and i pull to find the hair in the folicle...
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:iconi-lov-zadr-and-anime:
I-Lov-ZaDr-and-Anime Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ouch. I do that with my lashes. When I have a very 'sharp' eyelash poking my eyelid line, I try and pull it. Last night I bit all my long nails because I was pulling
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:iconreitanna-seishin:
Reitanna-Seishin Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i use my tweezers to find the eyelash if i can't get them with my fingers, but by that time, the damage is done
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:iconi-lov-zadr-and-anime:
I-Lov-ZaDr-and-Anime Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
me tto. :(
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