literature

The Mad Musings of Obsidian Pie: Forgiveness

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Forgiveness... I don't think it's as simple a concept as everypony makes it out to be... Ponies throw out the phrase, "I forgive you" like babies spit up. Me? I'm not such a pathetic fool.

Sometimes I tell my life story to my... "play mates..." just to see how they react. It's mostly the same. They feel oh so sorry for me and wish they could've helped. My parents were in the wrong, of course, and they should not have imprisoned me. But when it comes to mama and papa crying about how sorry they were when I was torturing them, these helpless mules have the gall to suggest that I should have forgiven them...

SCUM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

Forgive those pieces of trash that raised me? Forgive them? And how? How could anypony possibly get on with their lives knowing they forgave those who did not deserve forgiveness? Whose punishment lies outside of mortal hooves? The punishment that delves deep in Hell where they were surely sent when I took away their lives? SHAME on the pony that forgives so easily! SHAME on any creature that takes an "I'm sorry" as closure! To forgive acts that are too cruel, too extreme for your forgiveness is stupidity! I am not the stupid one! I am not the fool! I see passed what these sad excuses for ponies call an apology, and I will not fall for the ruse! NO. I will never fall for your tricks.

There is a saying... "Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven." Some ponies may think this means that you should forgive another for your sake, that it will do you right in the end. Again, I find the idiocy of my peers to be quite amusing. "Forgiveness is for the forgiver" means that forgiving the wrong doer is in your hooves. You choose to forgive, you are the judge in their lie filled trial, and if you choose not to forgive them... well, too bad. Not forgiving somepony who has done you harm will not hurt you. In fact, it will simply keep you safe from experiencing a repeat in history, because the one who harmed you will just do it all again.

I was angry with Blinkie Pie for a few days some time last week. I'm still learning how to read, and all of the other bakers take turns teaching me what they know. Blinkie Pie... bless her heart... is not quite as patient as the others. I was struggling with a word, and she said, "come on! How could you not sound that out? Even an idiot can read it!" She tends to say things like this... very abrupt and without thinking about the consequences... She often feels she is better than everypony else, and I don't really understand the vanity...

I hit her.

Smacked her across the face as soon as she said that. When I look back, I admit I acted very rashly and should've taken time to contemplate my own actions, but it hurt my feelings, and I behaved as a foal would. Well, I didn't exactly grow up properly, now did I?

Blinkie Pie hit me back, not being one to just let herself get stepped on like a door mat. We actually beat each other up quite magnificently until Inkie Pie came into the room and broke us up. Sweet Inkie Pie... honestly, even though I'm older, she feels like the eldest sister. She knows how to handle situations without losing her own head. Anyway, Blinkie and I didn't speak for a few days, and she even ended up tripping me once as I walked passed her. I did not retaliate that time.

During the whole ordeal, I felt miserable. I knew she did not hate me, and I did not hate her. I love my sisters so much, and if I lost them... well, that would be it. I myself wanted to tell Blinkie Pie I was sorry for hitting her, but I felt she deserved it for being so harsh with me. It's not so easy to "teach an old dog new tricks" as the saying goes. Was I planning on forgiving her if she said sorry? Of course, but I was not going to coax an apology out of her. She needed to decide to apologize on her own.

Eventually she did. It looked like it took her a great deal of strength to swallow her pride and admit she did wrong, but she came to me and said, "I'm sorry." I told her to elaborate, to tell me what she was sorry for. When I looked into her eyes as she explained she should not have lost her patience and called me an idiot, I knew she really meant it. Not that dear Limestone is a very good liar anyway... She actually ended up pouring her heart out, telling me that she does not enjoy teaching anypony anything because this exact thing happens. She prefers to witness the end result.

I told her I forgave her, and then explained that I was sorry for hitting her, though I admitted I still felt she deserved it. She laughed and agreed. Blinkie Pie congratulated me on my increased strength, as I had given her a black eye. Then we hugged, and I was so very happy again... I truly love my sisters. I love Derpy and Apple Bloom like they are my sisters as well. I feel like I have a real family.

Wasn't that a touching story?

Before that happened, I had the pleasure of meeting a buck who was around my age. I was walking through town with Apple Bloom because she had just got off of school, and I went to go meet her. I like to do that sometimes. On our way to the bakery, this stallion walked up to me and introduced himself as Delta Wave. I admit, he was a sight to see. He was a unicorn, his hide was jet black, but his messy mane and tail were a beautiful ice blue. His cutie mark was a few strange white squiggly lines that didn't really make sense to me.

Now, practically everypony in Ponyville knows about how I was locked up, so it didn't come as a shock to me when ponies were brave enough to ask me about it. "What more did they need to know?" I wondered, but I indulged them for as long as I could stand being around them. I don't feel comfortable around ponies I don't know unless I am completely free to "have my way with them," so to speak. Not sexually, of course.

Delta Wave carried himself a bit like Inkie Pie does; confident. Yet he had an air that resembled Blinkie Pie, which gave me the impression that he thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I loved the color of his mane though... I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

He grinned at me, his teeth pearly white, and he said, "got a second?" Poor Apple Bloom seemed to have mistaken my awe at his mane for flirting, and she elbowed me to converse with this buck, and she walked off. I really wish she had stayed...

I walked with Delta Wave down the road, nervous about talking to him because I am very shy. One of my many faults that I cannot overcome... and he asked me about how it felt to be abandoned. It was the way he said it that struck something in me, and I knew that he did not have friendly intentions.

We were out of earshot of anypony that happened to be nearby, and Delta told me that a mare like me was not meant to be free. He spoke like an intellectual, but his words burned like a young foal's jeers. He explained how my cutie mark represented me being locked away... for good. "You're just a burden on your sisters," he said. "They wouldn't care if you disappeared." He then told me about an experiment he wished to perform by locking me away again and studying the psychological effects on me, since I had already been imprisoned and had then tasted quite a bit of freedom. I will not lie, this scared me. I was just getting my strength back, I was able to fall asleep more easily, and I even thought the dark shadows around my eyes looked a little lighter, and this stallion wanted to throw me back into a cage like some kind of filthy vermin?

I refused, but he wasn't going down without a fight. He used his magic to try and restrain me, insisting that it was for the good of science, and that no pony liked me anyway... I fought my hardest, but I am not as strong as I'd like to be, not when it comes to magic. Thankfully I was saved by my sisters and Derpy, as Apple Bloom had gone to the bakery without me, and they must've turned back to make sure I was okay. I'm glad they did. The last thing I remember was Derpy rocketing toward Delta Wave and disrupting his magic. After that, I vaguely remember the sounds of my sisters and friends shouting at him before I was placed on Derpy's back and carried to Sugarcube Corner.

I wouldn't speak for a good few hours, and when I did, I demanded that Pinkie Pie pull Delta Wave's number. His actions were inexcusable, and I was going to make him feel the fear he made me feel ten fold.

Didn't I say I loved his wonderful mane? I knew it would make beautiful thread.

He was afraid alright. I actually counted how many times he said sorry. It came up to... eighty-seven if my memory serves correctly. Oh, the things I did to him... unspeakable things... I turned him into a sort of... biology experiment, just as he had wanted to turn me into a psychology experiment. I made sure he lived as long as possible, and the entire thing actually lasted about two days. Two days of constant pain, both physical and mental. And all he could say was, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"For what?" I asked him. "What did you do wrong?" He tried his damnedest to explain what he did, but I watched his eyes, and there was no sincerity, only fear for his own life. He was apologizing because he was in danger, and he felt maybe I'd let him go if he showed enough regret. He did not regret what he did to me, no, he regretted doing it because he didn't know I'd kill him. He was trying to save his own pathetic skin!

I told Delta that his punishment was out of my hooves, and that I was sending him to Hell where he would be properly dealt with. He continued to plead. Did I forgive that sick bastard? OF COURSE NOT. If I had, I would live the rest of my life with that guilt eating away at me! "You forgave somepony who did not deserve it! You are fickle, Obsidian Pie, FICKLE!" That's what I would hear from my conscience for my remaining days! And it would drive me so far up the wall, I'd have trouble coming down! I can live peacefully knowing that I did not let somepony get away with doing me harm, knowing that their torment is ever lasting, knowing I did my part for the good of the world.

Because ponies who think they can say "sorry" and get away with what they did will just keep doing it. They think it's okay, that "sorry" cleans their slate. The ponies that forgive them are just as at fault. I am forced to live with all of your stupidity, and you expect me to be the forgiver? I will forgive you if I feel you deserved it. Otherwise, you will pay for your misdeed.

Ponies need to learn that there are consequences for one's actions. You think you can just walk by me and call me a freak and not expect me to do something about it? I will not be stepped on. That chapter of my life ended a long time ago. You can beg, and plead, and cry about how sorry you are, but know this...

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
I've had this in my head for a few days, it just took some effort to push it out. keep an eye on my youtube channel, because when I narrate this one, a lot of her emotions are going to be much more apparent.

proofread once, spellchecked once. sorry for remaining typos.
© 2015 - 2024 Reitanna-Seishin
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Electric-Journey's avatar
oh, I have never frag av anyone. this guy hate me, called ugly and scar reminder me. he wanted me to forgive him. I was kike, WHY IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD WOULD I FORGIVE YOU? AMD yes I pyschally laughed a little then walked away. amuse of how he want forgiveness when he ruined my life even more