it finally happened

i've been waiting all this time, and pip finally visited my dreams last night. it was brief, but it was good to see him. he was young and nice and fluffy, and it happened like it always does when i see my pets; suddenly finding out they're alive. what happened was pip had been burried, and later, he just showed up in my room, which wasn't my room. it was shmoo's room from when i was her roommate. he crawled out from under a pile of clothes, and i flip out, screaming that he was alive. i grabbed him and loved his fuzzy little form, then put him in kosho ni's cage. for some reason, kosho wasn't there, even though he had been alive when we lived in that room. i told my grandma that pip was alive, and she looked in the backyard to see a small hole tunneling out from his grave. but when i found him, he was clean, soft fur, and as energetic as ever. i was so happy to see him, and i'm very glad he showed up. then, when he left, the dream turned into a very short nightmare that had me waking up screaming.

i've been doing that a lot. for some reason, my nightmares are so severe, they almost turned into night terrors. i've never woke up screaming from nightmares when i was younger, but it's different now. the other night, i kicked something off the table (i'm sleeping in the living room because the bedroom's too damn hot) because in my dream, i was in a bag and was being dragged away by some unknown guy. i was kicking and screaming, and i kicked out in real life.

the night before that, however, my nightmare turned into me having the upper hand, and i woke up laughing maniacally. it's so strange that this is happening.

i think "annatier" is taking over my head while unconscious, making me have attacks in my dreams. most of my nightmares involve falling attacks, but that one where i was laughing was a manic episode, which i don't get as often anymore. that's normal for bipolars though, are manic episodes are few and far between, and most of the time they're hypomanic. that's the case for bipolar I anyway, which i am.

*sigh* anyhoo, changing the subject... mike and i just finished the first season of gravity falls, and i never thought i'd say this, but... that show beats adventure time and regular show. those two cartoons get away with a LOT, but gravity falls got away with SO MUCH for a fraggin DISNEY SHOW! and the last episode confirmed it. wanna know why? there was blood. REAL BLOOD. dipper's nose was bleeding. my jaw had dropped, just like when mordecai said "pissed" in regular show. i FLIPPED out. i was like "THERE'S BLOOD ON A CHILDREN'S SHOW! ON A DISNEY SHOW!!" i think it's some secret disney channel that's not really disney and it's some kind of conspiracy! lol jk. but seriously, even with all the violence, deaths, head explosions, and impalments on regular show, it has yet to show blood. real blood. and just that tiny bit from dipper's nose sold it, just completely sold it. disney, you finally know what you're doing. maybe you realized that all your disney stars, save for raven simone, left disney to become scumbags... *coughmileycyruscough* you've made up for it.

fortunately, gravity falls has been renewed. UNfortunately, it won't be back until late 2014. way to keep us at the edge of our seat guys!! oh! and in the ending segment of the last episode of the first season, it showed a page of the journal splattered with blood. i'm loving this. i'm loving this. did i mention i'm loving this? finally cartoons are getting good again. they're finally living up to the shows i grew up with. i am proud of them. none of this johnny test and their sad excuse for MAD. my 90's kids, do you remember what MAD really was? yea, that show was NOT for kids. and they ruined it!

nickelodeon, you're way behind. you're behind DISNEY. you're lucky you've still got spongebob. i'd say the only thing saving your ass is legend of korra. but seriously... kung fu panda? and you're STILL airing penguins of madagascar? and get rid of your stupid live action sitcoms. you used to have gameshows, and they were AWESOME! but you're going down. cartoon network unfortunately is not about "cartoon cartoons!" anymore. they have live action stuff now too. man, what a disappointment. but they got regular show and adventure time, and i even liked chowder when it was on. do you remember cartoon cartoon fridays? man, you younger peeps missed out. i'd go back in time JUST to watch old school cartoon network. i remember watching the shows while eating blue raspberry applesauce and then seeing the lineup on a blue screen between shows. *sigh* those were the days...

anyway, got into a rant that won't make a hellova difference.

remember, i still have fanmail i will open this saturday, and i still gotta draw the contest prizes. you will get them, guys, i just can't promise when. this isn't really an excuse, but i've been really excited about these side things i've been doing. i gotta draw the next page of PWF too, cause i'm excited about doing it in inkscape, but i'm still too drunk on shadows and lost in light. wait, i meant, i'm still too attached to the little things. (did anyone get that reference? XD)

food stamps are really helping me. still waiting on LIHP, but mike and i have given up on unemployment. i thought for sure i was gonna get it. i mean, i quit my job because of a hostile work environment. i thought i DID get it when they had me fill out paperwork showing i applied for jobs. they even denied my appeal. we're just like *throws hands in air* fuck it. we'll survive. the fact that i don't have to starve helps, and if i get my LIHP back to pay for my meds, i'll be good to go like edgar allen poe.

i hopefully will be adding some stuff to my etsy. who would honestly, IF you had the money, buy my paintings? honestly? and who would buy my cyborg doll even though her lights don't work anymore?

alright, gotta get back to work now. see you soon!