rem passed away

ironic. my last journal was "Reitanna died," a joke title, and now this one also has to do with death, but is anything but a joke.

my rat, rem, was found dead in his cage this morning. he was cold and has hit rigor mortis by the time mike discovered him. we have no idea what caused it, but we have two theories; one, he was a runt medium rat, and I had had him for about two years, so he may've died of old age despite how energetic and young he still seemed. two, he's been obsessively cleaning his privates. there was no external sign of an infection, but he may've gotten some kind of bladder infection. whatever it was, I hope it was not my fault.

ezio knows exactly what is going on. we're keeping a close eye on him to make sure that his lethargy is not sickness as well, and that it's just grief. he's on my shoulder right now, and you can just tell something is wrong. I don't think he's sick because I've had him out for a few hours giving him food by hand and letting him drink water from a cup, and everything seems normal except he looks... wilted. he's giving me kisses as usual, but there seems to be a sense of loss in him. social animals like rats and ferrets are notorious for grieving the death of a cage mate, and it is not unheard of for them to die of loneliness. I really hope that my baby is stronger than that. the experience with his abscess when he was younger proved to me that he is a trooper. aw, he's bruxxing right now, that's a good sign.

it didn't feel like I've had them for that long, but when it comes down to it, I brought them hope quite some time before I quit my job at walgreens. in fact, I had noticed ezio's abscess during wrestle mania 29. since rem was a runt, his already short life span was shorter than ezio's. I've been crying on and off for like three hours, though I'm taking it surprisingly well. is it because I know ezio knew rem on different terms because they were the same species? they knew each other on a different level because they could speak the same language, understood each other better. the loss of ezio's fellow rat means the same to him as it would for a human to lose another human friend. I hope I can help him through his grieving period, which I also hope won't last too long. then again, I'm someone who doesn't believe in hope anymore.

in a few days, i'll get a new pair of rats that will become ezio's new friends. they will have to take residence in pip's old cage though because you can't just through rats together and expect them to get along. but rats cannot, absolutely cannot live alone, especially if they've lived with another rat all their life. the change would be devastating. I can be there for ezio 24/7, but I'm a human, there's a certain level of which we just can't reach in our relationship. but I'm also gonna build him a new little house to sleep in, get him new toys, and I just gotta be there for him. I need to make sure he makes it through this.

this all feels like a bad dream. my pets are not just pets to me, they are my babies, my children. I just lost one of my sons, and I don't even know why. I've dealt with many deaths of pets, but it still hurts like hell each time, especially since you don't know if the cause of death was your fault. I hope mike is right when he said it was probably age, my sense of time is not very good since I'm a shut in.

when I bring home the new boys, i'll get pretty, and ezio and I will introduce them on video for youtube, where i'll explain everything I've just explained. hopefully I can keep from crying. i'll do my makeup light just in case. please keep ezio in your thoughts, hopefully he's not sick, and hopefully he'll get passed the loss.

RIP remmykin


~:::UPDATE:::~

well, ezio seems fine health wise, so whatever killed rem wasn't contagious. we're pretty certain in was some sort of urinary infection, so there was most likely nothing we could've done.

we brought home two new boys today. yes, I actually left the house with mike and sempai to go get them. it's because I need to let the rat choose me. it wouldn't be fair to the rat to just pick one and bring it home without holding it.

the new babies are Sampson (Sammy) and tommy "explosion." we added explosion because he's an "excited sneezer." I dunno if you've ever had a dog that sneezed constantly when excited, but rem was like that for a good while, and pip was also an excited sneezer. they are both very energetic, and I'm slowly getting them and ezio acquainted. ezio, I can tell, is not very happy, probably thinking he's being replaced, so I've been giving him lots of treats and stuff. I didn't expect him to get along with the babies right away, honestly, that would've been miraculous. Sammy, however, seems to be so very intrigued with ezio, I can tell he wants to play with him. one step at a time, though. we'll get there. right now the important thing is to make sure ezio knows that he's still king.

I dunno when i'll make an introduction video because sempai wants to do the video with me since she is other mama. she named tommy, by the way, I named Sampson. I'm surprised it was so quick, it took me 3 hours to name rem. you see, I feel the name, I don't choose it. in fact, rem was almost remus, but it didn't sit right with me, but the "rem" part did. and somewhere along the line, he also became "remmykin."

merry fucking Christmas though, right? 2014 has been HANDS DOWN one of the worst years of my life. I have this bad feeling that 2015 is gonna be even worse, but who knows, maybe my guts feeling will be wrong for once. but, on a positive note, let's all welcome tommy and Sampson to the family! (though I hope tommy's sneezes ARE just excited sneezes like rem's and pip's, and not a respiratory problem. then again, I had the same worry with rem and pip, and it turned out to be nothing to worry about.)