I NEED HELP!!!

hokay, so, on ze left you see a dollop or soft serve type thingie, and on ze right, you see my attempt at licorice....

I made these myself, but I followed a step-by-step tutorial for the dollop, and used tools from another tutorial to make licorice. cool and dandy, right as candy, right? gonna use them for my crazy dessert dress.... problem...

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU UNWRAP THESE?!?

I tried asking for help on a blender creator forum, but just like on every forum I ever try to get help on, no one is answering me. I know there are blender creators here on DA, so maybe someone can tell me how to go about unwrapping "twisty" models like this. smart UV unwrap makes it all crazy-go-nuts, and I can't even begin to figure out where I'd put seams for regular unwrapping. I'd say my experience level with this program is between beginner and intermediate, and unwrapping has always been one of my weak points.

anyone, PLEASE, lend me your knowledge!!